Live your Dreams

What’s In Your Character?

I am not a perfect friend. With the best intentions, I still forget birthdays, lag with email returns, fall short on connecting through social media. I’m not a coddler or a social butterfly, but I’m there in a heartbeat when a friend needs me. Call at 3:00 in the morning, two states away and I’ll drive to help without a second thought. I’m reliable, forgiving, trustworthy and will always have my friends’ backs. Like the characters in my writing I have unique strengths paired with human flaws and am a constant work in progress.

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Perfection dwells in the imagination––thank God. How daunting, arduous life would be if we had to endure perfection in a friend or mate. So why do we pass judgement so easily? Is it our own insecurities that trigger fragile defense mechanisms deep within our souls? Are we really born with dominate personality traits––alpha, beta and omega––that blossom or wither in the trail of dust that cultivates our frame of reference . . . then becomes our lives? Traits or actions that are acceptable, even attractive to some, pour salt in the wounds of others.

Some say that speakers and writers espouse wisdom on the very topic they need most. I conceive my characters the same way, drawing on flaws and strengths I’ve seen in myself and others. I feel blessed that writing gives me a unique insight into both, making me a better friend and more loving partner. The past is filled with fragmented memories, obscure decisions and  broken relationships. Past patterns may be an insight into future behavior, but should it be a life sentence? As different as we are, we have common threads that bind us together. There is no magical algorithm like Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon devised. We all evolve, like characters in our favorite books.

Casi

Live your Dreams

The More Things Change

Dear Rachel,

I look forward to your marriage and lovingly pass this advice to you. Ask not for perfection in your mate. You will not find it, and it’s just as well. Living with a saint can be very tiresome. Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.

Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than break. Believe the best rather than the worst. People have a way of living up––or down––to your opinion of them.

Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends. And please hand this letter down to your children and your children’s children. The more things change, the more they are the same.

Love, Grandma

Grandmother Joyce Wells

Baltimore, Maryland

May 2, 1886

My father passed this letter on to me many years ago and when my own grandchild was born a few weeks ago, I pulled it out and read it again. What better advice could anyone give today? Time constantly ticks forward and change is inevitable. Technology brings the world into our homes. A tweet instantly reports worldwide events. Facebook and FaceTime reach to the corners of the Earth connecting long lost friends and distant family. A whole new language evolves through cyberspace. And we don’t know what we’d do without smartphones, GPS, computers, tablets and inventions we we didn’t know we needed a decade ago.

But Grandma was right. The more things change, the more they are the same. We all love, hurt and bleed the same. I cherish Grandma’s letter, whispers of wisdom from an all but forgotten era. Love doesn’t change. It is eternal.

Casi

Live your Dreams

Happy July 4th Everyone!

Happy 4th of July! It’s Independence Day—the perfect time to take a good look at your own independence. Especially when it comes to relationships. Have you ever thought you simply attracted insincere people? If so then it’s time to look in the mirror. The truth is, many of us unknowingly have destructive dating patterns that actually attract jerks. If you keep doing the same things and expect different results, then it’s your bad. There are all kinds of agendas lurking in cyberspace, and face it, if you want to catch a certain kind of fish, you need to use the right kind of bait. To avoid the sharks, look at your hook.  
It might me helpful to ask yourself some simple questions––and be honest.
What type of man or woman are you attracted to, and more importantly, why?
Do your relationships thrive, or are they a struggle?
Do you compromise your values out of desperation to hold on to someone?
Do you mold yourself into who you think he or she wants you to be?
Consider the answers to these questions. To find real happiness, you may need to make a few adjustments.
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It amazes me that so many people struggle to hold on to someone who doesn’t even make them happy—I was the poster child for that scenario  for a long time! Trust me, it’s a huge mistake. Having a warm body in your life is never better than being single for a while. It’s not a death sentence to be alone––you may actually find you enjoy having your own space. Besides, when you waste time with Mr. or Ms. wrong, regardless of your reasoning, you could miss Mr/Ms Wonderful. Here’s the important message, Read more “Happy July 4th Everyone!”
Live your Dreams

Take A Moment-It Could Change Your Life!

Busy lives have us dashing from one appointment to the next with a seemingly endless to-do list. Life can be so hectic. We have to be here, then be there—sometimes it’s hard to slow down long enough to catch our breath and “just be”—to take time to relax, love, live and soak in the beautiful moments of our lives—like watching a sunset with someone you love, a precious moment with your child or friend. We don’t stop often enough to enjoy a rain storm, a crackling fire or waves crashing to the shore.

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We can miss wonderful moments that take our breath away—holding hands, a passionate kiss or gazing together at a starry sky. It’s those moments that are the essence of life. Goals and dreams are wonderful as long as you remember Read more “Take A Moment-It Could Change Your Life!”

Live your Dreams

The # 1 Best Gift Ever!

Children are the future. With innocent eyes and magical dreams, they touch our hearts––and sometimes try our patience. My two sons have always been my life’s greatest treasures. I wanted to give them the world, protect them from pain and encourage them to live their dreams; a gift I had never been able to open . . . until recently. I preached ad-nausium . . . okay, that’s not really a word, but you get the picture . . . I tried to tell my children to do as I say, not as I do––a daunting task, especially through the tantrums and outbursts of their teenage years. I was convinced they had no use for Mom’s incessant messages. Those of you who are really close to me––or who read Wingless Butterfly––know the trials and tribulations I went through with my boys; especially Jace. Still, I never gave up––and somewhere along the way, when I wasn’t looking, they just got it. How do I know?

A glimpse from our new home

Well, yesterday I clicked on a status on Jace’s Facebook page and Read more “The # 1 Best Gift Ever!”

Live your Dreams

Are You Insane?

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Now, most people wouldn’t consider themselves insane, yet how often do we see people continually repeat the same patterns, while they hopefully yearn for happy endings. Like Scarlett O’Hara in Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With The Wind, they’ll “worry about it tomorrow.” Patterns drench our lives, yet most of us don’t even realize we have them. That can be good news if our habits lead to great health, financial security and incredible relationships, but what if they don’t?

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Have you ever heard people complain that they just can’t get a break? Or how about friends who Read more “Are You Insane?”

Live your Dreams

The Secret To Overcoming Chemistry Addiction

Well Jake, you’re right, you would definitely qualify for jerk status, but kudos to you for identifying the pattern as well as for your desire to break it. Maybe I can help. Having been a jerk-aholic for the majority of my life––the flip-side of your coin. If you want proof, just check Amazon and read about my new book, Wingless Butterfly: Confessions Of A Recovering Jerk-Magnet––and I’m pretty sure my book trailer  would resonate. (If you’re not following what I’m talking about, read my last blog post.)

Before I proceed, a caveat to my women readers: Jake’s article is a glimpse into the male mind and is typical of the way some men think. This article should be a wake-up call, so be aware that sometimes romance can have an agenda. And to my men readers, there is a flip-side to that coin too, more than enough for a whole new blog. But today I’ll focus on Jake and my open letter to him.

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Dear Jake,

The symptoms you have are classic patterns, so don’t feel like your affliction is rare. In fact chemistry addiction seems to thrive in epidemic proportions throughout the country and it infects females as well as males. We live in a ‘visual’ and ‘disposable’ society––one that advocates Read more “The Secret To Overcoming Chemistry Addiction”

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