I want to address the male jerks who are primarily “Players.” Why do we fall for them? Simple … They are experts at what they do. Women are a game or challenge to them. If they want you and you are vulnerable, the game begins. Players know how to wine, dine and romance a woman. They might play “the victim” and draw on your sympathy, but their goal is to reel you in and and make you believe they are captivated by and you. When it’s time, they tell you exactly what they know you want and need to hear. But, make no mistake,they are selective in their targets. Players are narcissistic jerks. Their sole intent is self-serving so they become experts at feeding their prospects with the necessary attention to achieve their goals.
Unfortunately, I have been one of those targets for most of my life. I was unaware of it, but I was vulnerable and my self-image set me up to be the perfect “mark.” When I was romanced, I felt important, cherished and valuable so it was easy to fall for the guy, especially if he was confident, hot and sexy. That was the good part and also why I stayed in the relationship instead of walking away. I loved the way they made me feel and I didn’t want to let go of that feeling.
The bad part is players are usually commitment- phobics. They only stay in a relationship as long as it benefits their needs without cramping their style. If you get too close to that “commitment”, they walk out leaving you more hurt and vulnerable than ever and ready for the next one to come along. It’s an endless cycle, until you can discover your pattern and break the habit.
It’s hard to determine the players from the good guys. I think the key is to take it slow and trust your instincts. Above all, learn from your mistakes. I think the “jerkettes” probably have a similar MO. What do you say, guys. I’d love to hear your comments. Email me!
Have a great weekend.
Casi
Hey Casi,
I think you are on the right track for finding someone long-term. Look around and spend time with your guy friends. After a couple weeks to a month or so of hanging out, re-evaluate your feelings for the guy. Have they changed? Are you becoming romantically inclined towards him? If no, then move on. If yes, then keep going.
My longest relationship started out as a friendship, but I was just patient with her and waited until she became attracted to me. It took about six weeks of seeing her casually about twice a week for an hour or two at a time.
The biggest thing is to find someone who is as into you as you are into them. If you are more into the guy then he is into you, then run (don’t walk) away and spare yourself some major heartache.
You know so many interesting infomation. You might be very wise. I like such people. Don’t top writing.
This question came up my entire college/dating career. I never understood it. Usually when girls were “dating” the bad dudes, they had a perfectly nice guy “friend” that wanted to go out with them right next door. I was a serial friend and let me tell you it SUCKED.
In response to your statement that its hard to determine the good guys, no its not. Just look around at that guy that you always complain about the bad guys to and bingo!
SK
Hi Stevie,
Thanks for visiting my site. I couldn’t agree more … You are absolutely right, and in hind sight I can see they were there for me too!!! I had a couple of guys who were great friends … like brothers. One in particular was awesome, and always there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart when it was stomped on. I wish I had seen it then. You get it, but too many girls and guys, are caught up in a vicious cycle, repeating the same patterns and they can’t figure out why they get the same results! Like I was, they are mystified as to why they are attracted to the wrong men/women. The GREAT guys/girls are out there!!! The key is figuring out the pattern and why they keep repeating it before they waste any more of their life.
THANKS for “getting the Point” Please come back and visit my site often … maybe you could write a guest blog post for me and share your insight!!
Casi
I’ve had my share! But maybe there’s a nice guy out there. 🙂
Most men really are jerks. What is it with the word commitment? Also from what I’ve seen, if they make the commitment for a long term relationship, it seems like it is only for the moment and then they are still in there own world only they have someone to take care of their home, laundry, children etc.