I went out on YouTube the other day and searched for “dating jerks.” I was truly amazed at how many videos were out there. The most common question was “Why are women attracted to jerks?” In light of my research, I thought I would answer the question with my own spin on things. My expertise is derived totally from my own experiences and observations, but the answer is crystal clear.
I want to address the male jerks who are primarily “Players.” Why do we fall for them? Simple … They are experts at what they do. Women are a game or challenge to them. If they want you and you are vulnerable, the game begins. Players know how to wine, dine and romance a woman. They might play “the victim” and draw on your sympathy, but their goal is to reel you in and and make you believe they are captivated by and you. When it’s time, they tell you exactly what they know you want and need to hear. But, make no mistake,they are selective in their targets. Players are narcissistic jerks. Their sole intent is self-serving so they become experts at feeding their prospects with the necessary attention to achieve their goals.
Unfortunately, I have been one of those targets for most of my life. I was unaware of it, but I was vulnerable and my self-image set me up to be the perfect “mark.” When I was romanced, I felt important, cherished and valuable so it was easy to fall for the guy, especially if he was confident, hot and sexy. That was the good part and also why I stayed in the relationship instead of walking away. I loved the way they made me feel and I didn’t want to let go of that feeling.
The bad part is players are usually commitment- phobics. They only stay in a relationship as long as it benefits their needs without cramping their style. If you get too close to that “commitment”, they walk out leaving you more hurt and vulnerable than ever and ready for the next one to come along. It’s an endless cycle, until you can discover your pattern and break the habit.
It’s hard to determine the players from the good guys. I think the key is to take it slow and trust your instincts. Above all, learn from your mistakes. I think the “jerkettes” probably have a similar MO. What do you say, guys. I’d love to hear your comments. Email me!
Have a great weekend.