You’d never dive into a shallow pool, right? No one would consciously do that, but people dive right into new relationships every day––without testing the waters first. It’s no wonder so many break their ‘buts’ (yes I meant to spell it that way) But he said . . . But she was . . . But we have . . . Moving too fast, is a sure way to add to your ‘but’ list and chalk up another failed relationship––so if you missed part one in this series, check it out before reading on, because today I’m adding to the top five reasons relationships fail with: The History of Failed Relationships, Part Deux.
How many times have we all heard the cliches, “men are all alike” or “Women! I’ll never understand them?” Maybe we do speak different languages, but honestly people, it’s our differences that keep things interesting.
Men (or women for that matter) aren’t all the same and if you have that attitude or experience, then it’s time you look at the common denominator––YOU!
If your relationships continually end the same way, the conclusion you need to come to is not that all men are jerks, it’s that the men YOU date are all jerks. And all women aren’t needy or possessive, it’s the women YOU date that fit that mold. Add your own adjectives, but the point is, you virtually date the same person over and over again. Isn’t that the definition of insanity––to do the same things over and over, but expect different results? No, you’re not really insane, but it’s time to look at your own patterns.
Case in point, I’ve known too many women who want to date only successful, driven men. They continually repeat the same patterns and never understand why they always end up feeling neglected and hurt. They think these men offer security and stability, and in many ways they do. The problem is the women don’t see that these men are so financially secure and have such successful careers because they are driven, and that part of their personality won’t change. If you need to constantly be the center of your man’s attention, don’t get involved with an ambitious, motivated man and run the other way when a workaholic enters your radar.
Another idea to consider is one I actually heard in church, during Andy Stanley’s Love, Sex and Dating series. Have you ever been fishing? A fisherman determines his bait by what he’s trying to catch. Ladies if you fish with your body, you’re going to catch body snatchers! Don’t dress like a commodity to catch a guy’s attention, or you’ll likely be treated like one––like a disposable sponge that’s used and then thrown away. You are so much more than a physical stimulus. When you bait a man with your body, don’t be surprised when he expects you to keep him with it! Not only that, keep in mind that you may be cute and sexy now, but a few years down the road . . . I’m just sayin!
And gentlemen, I don’t want to forget about you. If you keep dating the same women with disastrous results, what is your criteria and where are you looking? Don’t search for women in all the wrong places, like the song from the old 80’s movie, Urban Cowboy talks about in my video today. Don’t look in a body shop to find your soul mate. You’re not likely to find a health conscious woman at The Hamburger Hut, so what ever your lifestyle is, if you want a compatible partner, look in the right places. Just do the things YOU like to do, like hiking, golf or skiing––whatever your interests are, chances are you’ll run across a lot of women with similar interests and lifestyle.
. . . And then there’s the whole SEX issue, so be sure to watch for the next segment, part 3 in my series, The 5 Top Reasons Relationships Fail.