[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X8U6am5iX4[/youtube]I had dinner last week with a wonderful old friend. We laughed, reminisced and talked about the past including the many relationships we had encountered along the journey of our lives. He mentioned one that struck a chord I could identify with. Laura was a wonderful woman and the chemistry between them proved dynamic, but her past relationships had continually ended in betrayal or abandonment. Laura’s boyfriend was faithful, but she couldn’t trust him and constantly doubted what they had together. Eventually her fears sabotaged their romance.
When we live in fear of repeating past pain, we can become our own worst enemies and create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Problems that don’t exist in the beginning, eventually will if we can’t trust, believe in our partner and in ourselves. I know, because I lived that fear. Abandonment and betrayal created a lack of self-confidence. After all, I was the common denominator. I was lucky though, along the way I discovered a valuable lesson.
When the past haunts us, the collateral damage creates ripples of destruction. We can feel defective and unlovable, convinced that we’re not smart enough, pretty enough or young enough and that we will ultimately end up rejected — left for someone better. Fear and doubt buried deep inside the soul begs to be assured that love will last, so we begin to question. Where were they? Who they were with? But no one can live under a microscope! Jealousy smothers passion and eventually suffocates the relationship. The only way to escape the cycle is to let go of the past. There are no guarantees in life. We just have to move forward with faith and trust.
It would be nice if we could see our mistakes as vividly as the scenery in front of us — If we could repair the damage like we repair a broken object. But we all are human, and the best we can do is look inward, learn from our mistakes and believe in ourselves. The truth is, in order to truly find romantic love, you have to love yourself first. Believe in yourself and understand that people tend to do things for themselves and not against others. When someone lies and cheats, it is their weakness — their inadequacy, not yours. So, if you want to find romantic love, open your heart, learn to trust, and let go of fear.
I hope this beautiful song by Stephen Curtis Chapman inspires you as much as it has me. True love is magical, but you can only see it when your not blinded by a haze of broken memories.