[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOCMoK9drfk[/youtube]Art Garfunkel wrote a song called, “Looking for the Right One.”  I’m the first to admit that sometimes it seems like an impossible task. Especially when you loose someone you thought may be the right one. When a relationship dies, its a good bet that there are a lot of dynamics involved under the surface. The problems might even be rooted in the baggage one or both partners brought with them into the relationship. Maybe there are past patterns you weren’t aware of in your partner — or yourself. If she has an affair,the trust is gone and its a tough battle under the best circumstances to get it back. When it gets to that point, maybe its too late for honesty. Knowing the details will only bring you more pain. You have to believe that you deserve more. Don’t try to hold on — move on.

When I entered relationships, I always asked for honesty from my partner, but if you truly want honesty, you have to be prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear. For most of my life, I think what I really wanted was a guarantee, a promise that if I broke down my defenses and committed, the relationship would work and never end. It took a long time and a lot of pain to discover that my greatest fear was actually abandonment. Internally, I was terrified the man I loved would walk out on me — like my biological father had done. My fears caused me to spend the majority of my time adjusting my life around what men thought they wanted or needed. I tried to re-design myself to be what or who they wanted, because I was so tired of getting hurt and I didn’t want to have to survive — again.

Truth is, there are no guarantees in life — we all get hurt, and we all lose people we care about. You just have to keep believing. Tomorrow is another day, another chance. You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else — if you love yourself, you need to find someone who will love you for you. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what you’ve lived through. Life can sometimes feel like a series of failures, but if you’ve struggled and finally pulled yourself out of a hole — if you’re standing at the top looking down into it, why would you want to jump back in? Just turn around and walk in the other direction.

You have to change your patterns to change the course of your life. If you want better, believe you can have it! Move in the right direction — and if you manage to find real love in a wonderful partner, don’t let it slip away.

Casi

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