The Truth About Jerk-Magnets & Other Fractured Fairy Tales.

For a long time, it was difficult for me to understand why I was drawn to “jerks” or why I always seemed to end up with a broken heart and fractured dreams, but the answers were always within my grasp. I attracted jerks, or more accurately, I attracted men who were broken inside because <!—more—>I was broken and we existed in codependent relationships until our own pain shattered the bond. With every new relationship, be it business or personal, my distorted patterns re-enforced my belief system and the snowball-effect fed on itself. Many of you might say I let the “jerks” off too easily. They should be held accountable for their behavior. It’s true we are all responsible for our choices and actions in life! But we are also all trying to survive our baggage, fight our own demons, the best way we know how in a sometimes relentless world. We tend to compare our insides with other people’s outsides and appearances can be deceptive. Revenge never helped anyone! Playing the victim — Holding on to anger or resentment festers in your soul and it hurts you and everyone close to you. If we choose to focus on the positive, to look at the good in people and try to forgive the not so good, it just feels better and it is so freeing. We have all been victimized at some time in our lives, but letting go of past pain is the only way to move forward to a healthy and happy future. I got an email last night from a very dear friend. Her words inspired my blog today and I’d like to share them with you: I have been spending 2010 so far getting “organized”. My life has been such chaos for a couple of years now. On the “outside”, I think I’ve left the impression that, “I’ve got it all together”. On the inside, well, you know … I have completely re-organized my home and my office. It has been theraputic for me to just throw (or donate) “crap” away. So far, it has helped to ease my mind, my thoughts or memories of the “bad stuff” that has been haunting me. I want this year to represent the “true me”. The woman that I really am. I hope that will give me the strength to try to be the woman I aspire to be … She’s right. From the outside, you would never guess her past haunts her. We are all a work in progess! Cognitively understanding a dilemma doesn’t make it miraculously disappear. It’s not an easy task to change your perspective, your self-image or your life. The little insecurities took a lifetime to grow and take root. They can creep back into your mind when you least expect them and have an impact on your judgement. It takes a conscious effort to derail old habits and thwart the enemy. Life is complicated, but happiness is simple — not always easy, but simple. Like a best friend, we have to remind ourselves of who we really are and take whatever steps necessary to purge the “bad stuff” from our lives. Change is a process, not a quick fix, but the rewards are life-altering.