Since I began this blog I continually receive email from women and men of all ages who identify with and find some solace my posts. While I’m happy I am reaching so many broken hearts and souls, it is disheartening to realize how many are intelligent yet unsuspecting, trusting individuals who get hurt in relationships. It seems no matter how well we think we know someone, we can still get blind-sighted. So my question is, can you ever really know someone?

One of my recent emails was from a young man who had been in an intimate relationship with a woman for about a year. He and his girlfriend were talking marriage and he thought they were happy and looking forward to a future together. He discovered her in bed with his best friend. The man was distraught because he not only lost his girlfriend, but also his best guy friend.

Another email was from a woman. She had been married for just 14 months and discovered her husband had already been unfaithful to her. How can anyone justify these behaviors? Why get married in the first place?

It seems to me that if you want to be in multiple relationships, you should just be up front with your intentions. It’s clear the concept of casual sex or being intimate with more than one person is not limited to males. Females may have a different agenda, but the results are the same. True, if you are upfront from the beginning, you may be shut down by some partners, perhaps one that you REALLY want, but at least you will have integrity and when you do hook up, you don’t have guilt, or the fear of being discovered haunting you every day. Maybe there are just some people who get a high from the excitement of having dual lives or the possibility of being discovered.

Some men and women are just players, and some get caught up in their lives and cheat to escape the pressures. In out society, I think people give up on relationships too easily. When they hit a bump in the road, it’s easier to have an affair or get a divorce. Things won’t always be easy or perfect, but you have to remember why you got into the relationship to begin with. If the love is there, it takes work to hold on to it!

Can you ever really know someone? Maybe not, but if you fall in love, you have to trust and that makes you vulnerable. My advice—choose wisely, and take time to know him/her. Don’t be afraid to give up the good for the great! You can’t live your life in distrust, looking for signs of cheating, but when red flags slap you in the face, always trust your instincts!

Casi