No oneintentionally searches for bad or hurtful situations, but forsome,relationships can slip into a constant spin cycle ofrinse and repeat. When people actually attract bad-boys,evil-divas, orself-absorbed jerks, it’s time to take a look in the mirror. The common denominator in all your relationships is you.
I love fairytales. The happily-ever-afters inspired my writing.Romance warms the heart,provides an escape, satisfies, and encourages hope. But expecting Prince Charming or Cinderella to gallop into your life may skew your perspective.
I searched for the fairytale, a happily-ever-after with the man of mydreams who wouldsweep meoff myfeet and carry me into the sunset… Well, not exactly, but you get the picture.
Of course, no one could survive on that pedestal. But the ideal made me vulnerable and led me straight into the arms of men who told me what I needed to hear … any guesses how that worked out for me? Like an innocent mouse in a maze, that’s how I rolled. Now, I may not be a genius, but Ifinally decided I had to besmarter than a rodent!
The one thing all my relationships had in common was me—the bully in my mirror longed for validation—a pattern that needed serious adjustment. Hollow words couldn’t heal my insecurity. WhenI changed my self-image, my relationships changed too.
No one isdestined to repeat the same mistakes, but life evolves from the choices we make based on our past. Everyone has a unique story filled with memories. But sometimes breaking bad can be good. The key is to focus on the positive—the love and joy––and tuck the rest in a silent, secluded corner of your mind.
Do you have patterns that you rinse and repeat?
Casi
Please take a moment to review my new release on this link. Beneath the Lake Comments help more than you know! Thank you all. I LOVE my FANS 🙂
It’s not our past, our possessions, or our status that truly matters in life, but rather who we are and how we touch the lives of others.
Casi McLean
Casi –
I just purchased your Book Wingless Butterfly since I’m quite well acquainted with several of the key characters. I’m looking forward to reading your side of what all happened back then, God knows that I have heard the opposing side of the story in minute detail. I don’t mean to be overly vague, but this is a public site.
I hope to hear back from you Kathy !
Please use E-Mail address !
Hmm, You’ve made me curious.
Awe, thank you so much, KK.
Great post. So honest and I love your quotes!
Thanks, Katie O… love your site!
Great post, thanks for sharing this advice!
Thank you Joanne, Raymona, Barbara, and Maureen. 🙂
Nicci, your post is excellent too. It takes a lot of gumption to talk about some of these topics, but I think other people can benefit from my past and my baggage. That’s why I wrote my memoir, Wingless Butterfly, not to sound off like a victim, lay blame, or bash anyone. But rather to let other people know that regardless of their past they can heal, move forward, and live their dreams.
Great post!
Yes I noticed a pattern in my 20s of men with substance abuse issues. Once I noticed it I stopped but still had a relationship and a friendship afterward that involved neediness. A similar pattern. It’s really good to look at patterns honestly, and once you see it, easier to choose something else. Great post!
Great post and so true about learning from our mistakes. Not just identifying or recognizing them, but learning to adjust for the future.
Excellent post! Thanks for sharing, Casi 🙂
Jana, thank you. Unfortunately, it took too failed marriages and a lot of digging into my past before I could see the bully in my reflection.
Casi, congratulations for taking that good hard look in the mirror. Some people never figure it out.
That’s all that matters, Andrea. Happiness is what it’s all about. And happiness is not dependent upon another person.
With me it wasn’t so much a case of rinse and repeat as of throwing the baby out with the bath water. I write romance but I no longer look for it. And I’m VERY HAPPY. If Prince Charming happens along (or in my case, Cowboy Charming) I’ll be happy to give him a try. Isn’t there something about finding someone when you stop looking?
Thanks, Lilly. When you grow up with a lot of childhood insecurities, it’s difficult to break through the feelings you twisted and validated for years. It’s only when you discover your beliefs are wrong that you can change patterns. My beliefs were based on secrets and lies that my parents kept from me. Unraveling my past was the only way I could change.
Great advice. Sometimes, I think people learn more from what they get wrong than from what they get right, and learning from past mistakes is a good way to avoid repeating them.
Right, Hywela Lyn, unfortunately it takes some people longer than others. LOL
As an incurable but rather insecure ‘romantic’ I can completely relate to this post, Casi, but as you suggest, there comes a time when one has to ‘toughen up’ and face reality!
Good life observation, Casi. Thanks for sharing. Now if I can get the captch thingy right this will not disappear. Wish me luck.
Kathryn, I’m the same way so I totally identify with that. I’m a work in progress. LOL.
Great post! I think one of the worst patterns I have does not have to do with romance but just generally trying to please everyone. I often say “Yes” when I want or need to say “No”…but I’m getting better! Learning how to say “No” without further explanation is a tough one too, but it’s within our rights to believe our decisions don’t need justifications.
Love the quotes – very inspirational! Excited about this feature on your blog!
Looking good!! Can’t wait to read what all the authors have to say!