Escaping The American Nightmare
I wasn’t raised in a family that espoused The American Dream. More accurately, you could describe it as an American Nightmare. Alcohol and prescription drug abuse; hidden, deep, ugly family secrets; and widespread, epidemic verbal and emotional abuse were the daily norm. Writing about families NOT like mine became my salvation and my sanctuary. The only way I could survive sometimes was to hide myself away in the bathroom and write myself out of drama and into a happy life.
When I became an adult––a legal one, not the six-year-old one I became in my house––I made a wish that if I ever found someone to give my damaged heart and spirit to, it would be someone who had the antithesis of my upbringing. He’d be from a big family and devoted to the family dynamic; he’d be NORMAL ( this was a biggie!) and he’d love me despite my hang-ups, faults, and neuroses regarding commitment. I didn’t care if he was a chief bottle washer or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Money and status meant nothing to me; normalcy meant everything.
And it still does.
I wrote my new book, 3 WISHES, in two weeks. It felt as if I were writing in a diary. The reason the story came to me as quick as it did was because it was the story I’d written as a child. The San Valentino family is big, loving, loud and raucous. Like the Musketeers of old, they are all for one and one for all––the kind of family I’d wished for as a child. The kind of family I knew I belonged in. My heroine, Chloe San Valentino, made a wish for the type of man she wanted in her life. He’d be a healer; fall in love with her in an instant, and have Heterochromia Iridis ( two different colored eyes) just like she had. A tall order, especially in the eye color department.
But wishes have a way of coming true if you believe in them. And Chloe did.
The dedication to 3 WISHES is to my husband and states, “For Larry––YOU were my wish come true.”
And he was.
If you believe hard enough, wishes do come true. You just need to believe.
Incredible story. You have overcome so much and lived your dreams.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. I loved 3 Wishes and I hope you have great success with it!
Jana – thanks for your kind words and for stopping by. Be well and Happy Valentine’s day to a fellow Candy Heart author.
There’s no such thing as a “perfect family,” we are all broken in some ways. There is alcoholism in my family, although it isn’t the abusive angry rage kind. But it still exists. And my dad’s family is ultra conservative, which was hard on a free spirit like myself. But yours sounds awful, and I’m glad you escaped!
Susabelle – thanks for your kind words. ANY kind of abuse is hard – I think as parents we all need to remember how much words can hurt. We may brush off a slight or a disparaging word, but children’s minds are like storage chests – they remember everything and lock it away in their little psyches. If I could ever give soon to be parents any words of wisdom it would be to say “watch what you say around your kids and always be kind – even when reprimanding them.” All my husband had to do to our daughter when she misbehaved was shake his head and look disappointed and she was gone!!! No unkind words; no shouting voices; and of course never any spanking, but she knew she’d done something wrong. To this day she is an intelligent, caring and emotionally stable ( thank you, Jesus!) woman.
What a wonderful, inspiring story- thank you so much for sharing it!
Thanks Maureen! Happy Valentine’s Day
Looking forward to reading your candy hearts romance Peggy. The most beautiful thing about writing fiction in my mind is creating a beautiful world out of a sometimes harsh personal reality. Kudos to you for following your dream!
Evelyn – exactly!!! Another quote I love,”Weeping endures for but a moment, but joy comes in the morning.” Thanks for stopping by and happy Valentine’s Day!
I am so glad you and Larry found each other, Peggy. I’m not sure if I can read your latest story as I am a big baby about sad/uncomfortable subjects. I guess I will check out a teaser.
Angelina – no worries – It’s a romantic comedy!!! Where there’s pain there’s always humor. I couldn’t write a sad tome for Valentine’s Day, so if you want to laugh, be assured you will!
I write blogs for an ad agency and some of them are about abused and neglected children. I always cry. I’m so glad you overcame your childhood, and can’t wait to read your 3 Wishes.
Linda – wow! I would cry too – often! Again, wow! Thanks for stopping by and if you do read 3 WISHES, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing about Chloe and her crazy family.
Your story lifts my heart and gives me hope for neglected and abused children. How extraordinary that you turned to writing to escape and how fulfilling that your story is now out in the world. I have to get my copy!
Linda – wow! I would cry too – often! Again, wow! Thanks for stopping by and if you do read 3 WISHES, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing about Chloe and her crazy family.
Nicci – thanks. If more parents thought about what their behavior did and how it affected their children, my hope is that the term abused child would cease to exist in our lexicon. The reason I write about families who love one another is because I want to show that it does exist as a reality and not purely as escapist reading. Although, that’s fun, too!! Happy Valentine’s day and thanks for stopping by.
What a wonderful, sensitive post, Peggy. Thank you.
Barbara – you’re welcome and thanl you for stopping by today. Happy Valentine’s day.
Wonderful heart felt post. Growing up I thought dysfunctional was normal. It was for me, but in most cases it makes you stronger to survive. I LOVED 3 Wishes so much, I’ve read and re-read it. I, like you, write how I think families should be, the other option is just to painful for me. And we write what we love, right? Escapism! Best wishes for lots of sales for 3 Wishes!!
Tena – that’s kinda funny, you saying you thought dysfunction was normal – truly, that’s what most kids think until they see another family who isn’t. I always knew something was different about my situation but wasn’t able to rationalize what it was until I was older and took psych courses in nursing school. Then I realized how horrible it is for kids to never know normal growing up. You’re right. It does make us stronger and push us to survive. I also think it makes us much more sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others – and because of that, as writers, we can convey a wealth of emotion on the page ( or laptop!) And humor never harms or hurts… live my life with that premise. Thanks for stopping by. Candy Hearts writers ROCK!
We didn’t have addiction issues at our house, mostly mental and sexual abuse. I’ve been told I should write about my history, but I don’t think it’s anything people would want to read. Childhood sexual abuse is a taboo subject. My sisters and I don’t even talk about it.The problem now is, I have a hard time writing about family relationships. I think it’s because I still haven’t figured out how they work. Thank God my kids understand and claim I did a good job with them, although a little over protective.
Sandra – I’ll be honest. When the trust of a child for an adult is broken, it’s almost impossible to fix. The fact you’ve done a great job with your own kids proves how strong you are – and, for lack of repeating a cliche – you broke a circle of abuse, the same way I did. You don’t have to imagine a happy family for your writing – you live with one every day and brought your own children up in one. That alone is worth celebrating. Write about them ( well, not exactly, they might be mad! But you know what I mean!!) Draw from that well of happiness and love you’ve brought to yourself. I do. It’s what keeps me sane during the times memories flood back that I don’t want. Bless you and be strong and well.
“3 Wishes” is a great story. I really enjoyed it. I purchased it this morning and will have a review up for you later today. I also enjoyed your post. It’s funny how the trials and tribulations of our lives only give us a deeper perspective when we write. Good luck with sales.:-)
JUsy – they say the best comedians have had tragedy in their pasts. I believe the best writers have too and know how to channel it to make something beautiful. At least that’s what I try to do. Thanks for stopping by and be well. Happy Valetines day to another CHR writer!
Quite honestly, Peggy, I think I’m at a loss for words. I hold nothing but admiration for you overcoming such a frightening background and wish you every success for the future. AND I’m really happy to know you got your wish for a great man!
Andrea – what’s that saying? You have to go through the storm to see the sunshine on the other side? I think I’ve said this before, but I do believe it: “Pastor Joel Osteen says “Don’t just go through it, grow with it,” and that’s what I’ve tried to do. Every bad experience has made me appreciate the good ones even more. And luckily, God gave me a man who understands. Bless you and enjoy your day.
Peggy writes beautifully, but more importantly to me, her inner beauty shines despite her past and her strength exemplifies my own passion and purpose. I encourage everyone to read this article and take to heart her amazing message. Thank you Peggy for sharing such intimate moments in your past. I know your post will touch the hearts of all our ABA readers.
And now I’m crying because of YOUR sweet words, Casi! Thank you so much for allowing all of us writers the chance to BARE ALL without censure or ridicule. It’s only recently ( like, less than a year) I’ve been able to tell people my real truth and story. Your column has given me a venue that isn’t judgmental or intolerant, and I thank you, sincerely from my heart, for it. Be well and stay strong. Happy Valentine’s day!
Hi Peggy, I’m touched by your story and have great admiration for the strength it took to overcome all those obstacles. I’m looking forward to reading 3 Wishes. Best of luck 🙂
Joanne – it always makes me smile when I “see” you! Thanks a bunch and I hope you enjoy reading 3 WISHES – hey : it’s about an Italian family!!! Who wouldn’t have fun reading it??! LOL
Peggy: What a great wonderful post! If only we all could dream and believe our dreams do come true. I’ve been married almost 46 years to the love of my life, my dream, my prayers, even my knight in shining armor have all come true. My husband, our attraction to each other, and our shared love is in each one of my books. I think, as you said, we all draw on our own experiences and write what we know.
You’ve done a great job of portraying a loving and kind warm family where love abounds in all your books. I love reading them.
Donna – you’ve made me cry once again with your sweet words! I miss you – and you must realize how much a part of this story and how important your guidance were to me while writing it! Hope you are well. And thanks for stopping by!
Wonderful post! I had great parents and a secure, mostly happy childhood, but it was my sisters were older and I was lonely a lot. Which is why I so appreciate my husband’s big Irish Catholic family. They drive me crazy sometimes, but I so appreciate that they are always there for each other. I’m glad you found your happy ever after. Best wishes on your new book.
Mary – my mom’s side is 100% Irish, the step dad was Sicilian. Mix them together and you get…drama!! Good, bad, and every kind in between. It is a rich well of experience to draw from for writing, that is for sure. Be well and Happy Valentine’s day!
Aww, Peggy, this is such a great and honest post! I read 3 Wishes and absolutely LOVED it. No wonder it’s such a great book, with so many real wishes behind it. So glad you found your perfect match in life! And yes, wishes do come true …
Laura – bless you! I really do believe beautiful things can grow from bad situations if you just barrel through and believe in yourself. Thanks for stopping by. ROSES ROCK!
Wow, Peggy! Your personal story of overcoming adversity touched me deeply and I applaud you for sharing, and for not letting it hold you back from your dreams. I so totally loved your Candy Hearts Romance but your story gives it even more meaning. Hugs to you and best of luck with your writing!
Katie – thanks for those kind words. It truly is amazing how the things that happen in our childhoods follow us to adulthood. I think the reason we have so many wonderful romance writers in WRP is because we all bring our pasts to the table ( and laptop!) and we help our fractured heroines learn and grow through adversity. One of my favorite quotes is from Pastor Joel Osteen. He says “Don’t just go through it, grow from it.” To me, that pretty much shapes my life. Be well and Happy Valentines Day. Oh, and BTW THANYYOUTHANKYoUTHANKYOU for the fab review of 3 WISHES.