Sabotaging Your Career and How Not To
I had an insight this year, one that has really impacted my writing career. Getting depressed was sabotaging my career.
After a rejection I received this past spring, I lost three weeks being depressed, valuable time I needed and had planned for working on a project with a deadline. That was a costly loss. Later I realized I did this a lot. The thought process was: “I-want-to-quit-writing.” I would get really into quitting writing, research good reasons to stop writing, read blogs about people who have quit writing and are happier, spend a lot of time imagining all the freedom I would have if I quit. Then I would start feeling depressed. After the initial rush of all that time I freed up, a feeling of deep disappointment settled in and weighed me down like an anchor. I found it so hard to do anything. A single task that should take 30 minutes would take a week.
All this depression was slowing me down, keeping me from doing what needs to be done. And it was sabotaging my writing career.
Here’s what’s amazing. Once I had that insight, everything changed. Does my depression mechanism still get triggered? You bet it does. When I came back from vacation recently, I struggled with getting back into the groove with writing and related activities. My resistance quickly morphed into the maybe-I-should-quit-writing mechanism but didn’t trigger depression. I mean, once you realize something, it’s hard to go back. Instead of spending a lot of time on that, I listened to what my resistance was telling me: I wasn’t ready to write yet. 
I wanted a little more vacation. I needed to ease into work again. I remembered in my previous career, it always took me two weeks after vacation to get back into the groove of work. I also now tell myself that I will one day retire from writing, just like I did from work. If I want to quit, then I’ll retire when I’m ready. In the meantime, I’ll make sure I have as much fun as possible.
It’s important to know what’s fun for you. Baking? Lunch with friends? Taking photos? Knitting? Travel? TV? Reading? Do it. It’s called balance.
Gradually I returned to my work routine. And guess what? While I was out having fun, I had two new ideas for books.
I think it’s helpful to recognize career-sabotage behaviors. They are strong reactions, and we need to listen to what those reactions are telling us. Once conscious of what’s driving the behavior, we can address the issue that underlies the behavior in a more productive way. For example, fear of success might drive it. This fear might stem from knowing that you’re going to have to promote your own work, and it’s going to take a lot of time. You’re going to have to go through edits, which will also take a lot of time. How are you going to handle that on top of the day job? This was a big one for me when I was working. I didn’t want more work!
If you take the worry out and examine it in the light of day, you can find ways to address the issue. I realized it was simply that I didn’t want to be published right then while I was working really long hours. There are a lot of other ways too. You can do just the amount of promo you want. If you’re still working, you can hire a marketing person (I never thought of that one when I was working!), you can write one book every two years, there are lots of options.
Or, if fear of failure is your primary anxiety, you can tell yourself to take the long view. It might take six or seven books before you find your audience. You can make peace with that. And it only takes one happy reader to feel really good. You can build up one reader at a time. As long as you enjoy writing, who cares? If you’re pushing yourself hard to make money as a writer, you probably are a go-getter who doesn’t sabotage her career. Why are you reading this? Go forth and conquer! LOL Just try to notice when you’re undermining yourself in some way and take a look at what unaddressed concern might be causing you to do that, then address the issue rationally. Have something else you can tell yourself. just like for me, right now, it’s “When I’m satisfied with the books I’ve written, then I’ll retire from this too and do something different.” Have a comforting alternative thought.
Do you have any career sabotage behaviors and thoughts? Maybe not making the time to write, changing genres all the time, not finishing books, thinking you’re no good? What do you do to keep on keepin’ on?
Thanks to Casi for hosting me today and for launching this great series.
My debut novel is Love Caters All, a humorous contemporary small town romance.
Congratulations on your debut novel! And thank you for a great post. It’s so tough to continue in a career where you suffer so much rejection. I’m so happy you were able to overcome the depression.
Thank you, Dani-Lyn!
Thank you, Casi! It was an amazing experience. And you are so amazing. I love that we connected! I think of your example a lot, your story about entertainment law, your gorgeous website. (I gotta have one like that! HTML, here I come, LOL!) Keep it up, and thanks for this really amazing series you came up with.
Thank you, Gayle. Understanding that gives me a whole new appreciation of what you write and the joy it gives you. Thanks for sharing it too because other people might find the same kind of cure is for them.
Thank you, Debra. Yes, there are levels of depression, and it’s all a struggle, frequently a silent one.
Thank you for coming by, Dana, and for your thoughts.
Hi Kayden, that is amazing. I am glad I made your day. We are in it together.
Hi Katie, that comparing yourself to others, that’s a big one. Hear my voice when it happens: “Don’t compare yourself to others. You have your own path.” (I internalized that voice from one of my critique partners, LOL, and I can hear her voice every time I do it.)
Oh Kathryn, that is a great thing to share. Thank you! Yes, easy to understand you need a break after four manuscripts! And there’s a vacuum that happens after stopping a sustained intense work schedule, a vacuum that is much better filled with productive activities than with anxiety.
Oh, Maureen, what you said. Wow. That’s how it is! Thank you!
Nicci, Thank you for being such an amazing guest. You shared such an honest and intimate post that struck home with a lot of people––I’m sure more people than those who spoke up––issues we all need to address. We have a lot in common girl, and I’m so glad we connected.
Casi
This was a wonderful post, Nicci.
I’ve struggled with depression myself and it’s not fun. Ironically, I’ve found that writing my paranormal fantasy stories – expressing myself in a creative way – helps me with the depression more than anything else. I fall into the story and characters and forget to be fearful or anxious about what might happen next.
Great advice, Nicci. Depression is such a struggle. Thanks for this.
Nina,
Great post, perfectly honest reveal of what many of us feel everyday. Thank you for sharing.
Dana
Thanks for your honesty. I think we all go through this and think we are the only ones experiencing it. You made my day.
Thanks for sharing this. I think we’re all guilty of self-sabotage at points in our lives – I know I don’t devote nearly as much time to promotion as I should because I keep comparing myself to NYT bestselling authors and I fall short. But I also know people like my books – there has to be a happy medium somewhere 😉
Great post. I recently completed my fourth manuscript, and I can tell I need a break mentally. Yet, I get anxious when I’m not writing! So I’ve been focusing on blogging, promo, teaching my writing classes…my muse will kick in when she’s ready. Good luck with your new release!
Great post! I’ve also had times when I’ve wondered if all the time I invest in writing would be utilized in a better way. Then I realize writing is the one thing I know I could never give up. Writing is time consuming, can be stressful, demanding, fills me with crushing doubt and subjects me to naked exposure– but it makes me happy 🙂
Laura, that is so great. For some reason a lot of times I don’t like anything when I’m lying there in bed. But now that I think about it, I’ve found that if I open the file and start reading what I wrote, I love to tweak it, and it gets me rolling. You also reminded me of another trick if I don’t like a book I’m writing, I can usually find one little part that I do like and work from there. “Throw things out” meaning put stuff I don’t like in another file. It’s really smart to trick ourselves, I mean nurture ourselves by focusing on what we like. And thank you for your encouragement. It is a little hard to share those foibles.
K.K. Thank you so much! I’m really glad my post was beneficial. 🙂
Thanks Angelina. That ole procrastination is a really big one. I do tend to get an extremely clean house sometimes. My husband says “do you really need to clean under the beds every week?” (Or is this writing avoidance behavior?) He knows not to throw that last one at me, or I’ll deny, deny, deny! But I know he’s thinking it. LOL Really good to know that opening up about the hard parts of writing is helpful. Thanks for the encouragement.
Great thought provoking post. Like Andrea said, I procarastinate about actually writing. I love reading articles about the struggles other writers have so I know I’m not alone and not being perfect is okay. 🙂
Thank you for such an honest post, Nicci. Yes, it’s very easy to feel that way. Your words are comforting and inspiring. Thanks for sharing them!
What a beautiful and scrupulously honest post! I’m sure we’ve all taken a few hits in the morale department when it comes to writing. What works for me is focusing on the parts I couldn’t live without. When I wake up in the morning I take a moment to think about what I love to do. Create a character? Twist a plot? Follow through with an edit? Then I tell myself, if I get up now I can do these things. Works every time!
Aw, Tena, you are the cutest. I admire you organized go-getters. Go for it, and thank you SO much for coming by to support this fellow author. I feel really lucky to be on your To Do list. I appreciate all your support all over the web. Hugs, Nicci
Hi Andrea, procrastination, a classic. A spiritual teacher once said procrastination is a deep understanding that you are not aligned with doing that thing yet. This teacher says that inspiration is better than motivation. So it is okay to wait for the inspiration. Anyway, procrastination might be telling you something you need to listen to. If you were having health problems, your deep understanding may have been that you needed to put all your cellular resources on relaxing and healing. So my advice is to look at what the procrastination is telling you. Sometimes procrastination needs to be heeded. But sometimes it is telling you that what is really going on is anxiety. There’s a lot of anxiety with writing. I have practically memorized Eric Maisel’s book, Coaching the Artist Within. The chapter on becoming an anxiety expert was and continues to be highly useful for me. Thanks for coming by and for sharing. Nicci
Anita, that kind of stuff is deeply painful. How wonderful that writing is your go-to place. Hugs, Nicci
Problems with my siblings send me into a tailspin. It takes a lot of positive thinking on my part to get over their nastiness. And, yes, it does affect my writing. I always feel better when I write, so when I get depressed, it’s my go-to place.
I think procrastination is the biggest sabotage for me. There always seems to be something else that needs to be done first. Although I had health issues this year and that stopped me from writing, I now think I should have used my writing as an escape. Thanks for this insightful post.
Thanks Nicci for the insight. Glad you found a way to be happy and write too. Sharing your insight was a brave thing to do. For me a schedule works to keep me focused and happily writing. Luckily, I lean toward being one of the go-getters you referenced. I took time to read your post to support my fellow writer and it popped up during my scheduled email time. LOL. So off I go to conquer, not sure what yet, but…. Wishing you very happy, productive day!
Hi Jana,
Ouch, I hear you. A lot of people don’t know what goes on behind the scenes in a writer’s life. I’ve been blogging about it a lot more. I’ve started keeping a journal, too, just how I’m feeling as I go. There are these little precious rewards that have nothing to do with the result. And there are hard things in there too, like this: “8/15 When I cut the book down to 35k today I experienced real anxiety but I feel the characters are acting naturally and I’m coming up with conflict for them. I embarked on (scene)…I felt too anxious to write that scene, however. So I went to bed.” Then on 8/23 “I am doing an editing pass and I love the book. I finished on 8/20.” It’s like, what? I rewrote those 15,000 words in 5 days, finished the book, and I loved the book? I forgot about that. And the thrill, it’s right there in my 8/23 journal entry. That whole experience had nothing to do with the result, it’s a pretty wonderful experience just on its own.
“So I continue,” that is amazing, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing too, Jana.
Hi Ilona,
Your strength is beautiful and inspiring to me. You have a lot of beautiful and inspiring books out too.
Thank you for sharing.
Hi Sandra,
Wow, I’m seeing I’m not alone. You are welcome, and thank you for your support. I was a bit tormented to share this, so glad I did.
Thanks for commenting.
Nicci
I went into a tailspin earlier this year when a proposal of mine was rejected. When something like that happens, it’s hard not to think I’m wasting my time with writing. It took me a while to be able to get back into writing again, too. But the thought of not writing is even worse. So I continue. Thanks for sharing, Nicci.
I know, being housebound and with all my physical problems, I could go into a fetal position for the rest of my life. Then I figured, there’s still a lot I can do like writing. I find keeping my mind occupied, I don’t feel as depressed.
Your post has come at a good time for me. It’s given me a lot of food for thought. Thanks for sharing.