Happy 4th of July! It’s Independence Day—the perfect time to take a good look at your own independence. Especially when it comes to relationships. Have you ever thought you simply attracted insincere people? If so then it’s time to look in the mirror. The truth is, many of us unknowingly have destructive dating patterns that actually attract jerks. If you keep doing the same things and expect different results, then it’s your bad. There are all kinds of agendas lurking in cyberspace, and face it, if you want to catch a certain kind of fish, you need to use the right kind of bait. To avoid the sharks, look at your hook.
It might me helpful to ask yourself some simple questions––and be honest.
What type of man or woman are you attracted to, and more importantly, why?
Do your relationships thrive, or are they a struggle?
Do you compromise your values out of desperation to hold on to someone?
Do you mold yourself into who you think he or she wants you to be?
Consider the answers to these questions. To find real happiness, you may need to make a few adjustments.
It amazes me that so many people struggle to hold on to someone who doesn’t even make them happy—I was the poster child for that scenario for a long time! Trust me, it’s a huge mistake. Having a warm body in your life is never better than being single for a while. It’s not a death sentence to be alone––you may actually find you enjoy having your own space. Besides, when you waste time with Mr. or Ms. wrong, regardless of your reasoning, you could miss Mr/Ms Wonderful. Here’s the important message, there are still a lot of honest, sincere and attractive people out there who could be perfect for you. While I think it’s important to stop trying to date the hunk from high school or the beauty queen from college, don’t ever settle for less than the right one for you. I’m not talking about pure lust here, although chemistry is important. I’m talking about lifestyle, liking the same foods, activities, and goals. Don’t bend your life around someone else, or sacrifice to make yourself into someone you’re not! If you are looking for true love, don’t settle for less than someone who fits what you want in your life. That way you will encourage each other, relax together and always have a support system.
Obviously there is no perfect person, but I believe there is someone perfect for each of us. Trust that when the right one comes along you will make your own fireworks—feel electricity, an energy when you touch and passion when you kiss. Beyond chemistry, your lives will feel comfortable and in sync. You will complement each other and the relationship will give you a sense of calm in your storm.When someone truly loves you, they will cherish you, which means you will become a major priority in their life. That doesn’t mean that they drop everything and devote every minute of their time to you. It just means that you are important to them and that they consider you and your feelings when they make decisions.I don’t believe that love should be hard. There are a lot of good men–and women are out there, and sometimes we even overlook some of them–like the girl who is your best friend, always there when you need her, or the the “big brother” you call when your love-life takes a nose dive–maybe even someone you knew from your past.Celebrate your own independence this year and make your own fireworks. Stop being deceived by hollow romance or fading beauty. Look for someone who makes you laugh, feel comfortable with, supports you and makes you feel good about yourself–and if the chemistry is there too, you just might find the love of your life!
Happy 4th of July everyone!